Once upon a while, if you can remember it, the wise and the fool (and often the narrator that is me) are having the most important kind of conversation; they are talking about life and aint that a treat for ya’ll knowledge hungry wise asses. Well, just like life is a bitch so is this conversation so keep your ears wide-open, pun intended, for any advice.
Fool: You know what wise man! only once in a while my mind explodes with creativity. Every moment in that period sparks with such sick ideas and observations that I feel so wise. But, in that very period I have certain unimportant things to do that cannot be postponed. You know, like taking a leak, eating or studying for school. And you know what, I can’t focus on either; and you know what happens after- I start raising questions on life. It has actually become quite a pastime you know. Like, if anything about our existence don’t matter, you know, in that grand and larger context of the universe then why so confused- unimportant tasks to do or following your fired up brain into unchartered territory. I cant be happy, and I’m so confused you know; everybody around me wants me to act responsibly, if only I could ever get a hang of it. Anyway, it has been such a menace for all the fools out there too.
Wise: Firstly, it needs to be well understood that being happy is like being in a bubble of delirum, more like an illusion or a matrix, and it bursts with the slightest touch. But being content, brother that’s the real ball game. And you know what, there is a trick to it that I will let you on on later.
Well, you know all this talk about ‘we don’t matter nor does we doing anything matters, so why can’t I just spend my day in my couch eating and watching TV’. You know that talk, right! We call that utter laziness (a.k.a existentialism in the wise fraternity). It’s the perfect ground for boredom, depression and anxiety; the three evils. You’ve got to fight it with all your might and rise and shine! You know what I mean, right?
Narrator: The wise man goes on and on and on about it. He conveys all his knowledge in general phrases that sound like clichés. But, oh wait a second, don’t you think life lead on clichés be fun? C’mon, don’t you think so? Well, for starters, we keep saying that the ignorant are the damned blessed folks. They keep going on without troubling themselves with consequences of what they heard or saw or read. And here I am, narrating and wondering if the title ‘the ignorant bastards’ a reflection of how much sex they are getting.
Anyway the wise is only talking in clichés and more. He has in fact broken a record of using 20 cliché phrases one after the other. It would be ridiculously painful to get a single original idea out of the wise and if it ever struck him, ever so it would be as useless as the pool of human knowledge. It is only fair to say that the wise and his advice is as useless as my poo is to me. The poor fool will remain in his puddle today. I really think so. Think about it. The pool of human knowledge, within it billions and billions, or maybe trillions, of research papers, articles and critiques on literature, history, science and what not, phony videos of man on the moon or saucer ufo’s flying in our sky. The pool of human knowledge is vast, almost as big as your head and just as useless. You know why, because just like you have the most wavy and bouncy strands of hair on your head there are perfect round droplets of knowledge in the pool and just like a single strand of hair, as perfect as is, can’t make your bald head look pretty; a droplet of water cannot quench my thirst. Anyway, coming back to our conversation between the mighty wise and a ignorant fool.
It seemed like everything the wise man said was making sense to the fool but the fool was tired of the wise man’s monologue. More importantly he hated the confidence with which he was delivering it so he shot up and said:
Fool: Oh my, my…you must really be in awe of yourself to be so wise and smart. But you know what I think, you are just the man that I am, nothing less and nothing more. We are being rocked around on the same boat so be a good lad to your co-passenger, that’s me, and behave yourself.
Wise: Oh, I am really sorry if I said anything that offended you.
Narrator: The fool was sick to his guts with wise man’s sincere manners. He was about to reckon a full blown serial attack on behalf of all the fools out there.
Fool: Just so that you know, I think you are 4 quarters wise i.e. 100%. And from what I have learnt from life 100% doesn’t exist, it’s a myth. You are like all those superheroes who just show off their unreal powers and lure all the girls.
They don’t exist and so do you. Just like them you are a tiny figment of someone’s imagination and just like them you are taken a way bit too seriously. Why aren’t epitome fools, a 4-quarter fool i.e 100%, treated with respect? We are alive and as real as any being, you would see 1 in every 3 like me. When somebody makes a fool of himself, he makes a 100% fool of himself. He goes all the way home and doesn’t look back. He makes a bunch of people laugh in the process. Isn’t all that worthy of a lil respect.
And what do you do? You create problems in the first place and then seek solutions that take a millennia to come through. You are a curse to yourself. You seek answers that are incomplete, and then you make everybody pay for the consequences of your practice. Where is the might in that? Also, I have never heard anybody say,” So you made a 100% wise of yourself”.
Wise: For real, is this really happening. I am not going to take this seriously but I am swayed. It sounds wonderful to be a fool; atleast 1quarter fool i.e 25%. It would really take the pressure off my shoulders.
Fool: Try 3 quarters fool i.e 75%, its better than any drug you will try.
Wise: I am serious. I could just kick back and relax and don’t worry about thinking ahead. Live chiefly in the present and go with the electrons i.e go with the flow.
Fool: I’d say 3 quarters fool i.e 75% and 1 quarter wise i.e 25%. That could mean with every one wise moment you have you will have to counter it with 3 foolish moments to be sane and alive.
Narrator: The fool is paying no attention to the wise for he is captivated by the combinations he can make of fool and wise but so far he can come up with only 1 such combination.
And I need to worry about making a living you know. Like, I got better things to do than narrate you some gossip between two grown up men. I have exams coming up and I need to study or else they will throw me out. I need to get a job and get married have kids then grandkids and maybe die peacefully when nothing new happens. The people around me will not let me live I don’t follow this exact path. I am doomed. But, hey I guess I will leave all that to my 1 quarter of wise i.e 25% to take care off while I am having 3 quarters i.e 25% of foolish fun.
The trick of contentment from the wise:
– just widen your nostrils like when you take a long breath, lift your upper lip like a pout and give a very subtle smile. It’s has been widely accepted as a stamp of contentment and smartness in, and around, the wise community but they are still debating on the pros and cons. Some are saying that it actually makes you look ridiculous but if you believe me I think it really works. Atleast everybody thinks you are really fulfilled.